Panic Attack / Agoraphobia Diary: Wednesday, 14th of May, 2003

Today I had my first class with the relaxation therapy and agoraphobia group. This group is conducted by the psychologist I have been seeing  lately.
The relaxation was great. I can’t believe I got so relaxed in the first session. So, because we have to practice it at home I decided to go to a book shop and get some tapes. In Internet there are some very good stuff, but because I live in Spain some very good companies don’t ship here. If you live in Canada or the US, any of these companies will help you, if you don’t, Amazon is the best option.

In my recommended stuff you will find a list of places to visit on Internet and some really good books and relaxation tapes. I assure you that it is really worth it.

Back to the day in my relaxation class, at first I was very nervous, my heart was going very fast. But when the psychologist started to talk I realized she knew what she was doing and it was brilliant. We started with respiration techniques to help the oxygen in our brain help us relax. After, we lied down and started to relax muscle by muscle. Beginning by  imaging your body very relaxed, then your feet very relaxed, then bit by bit until you finish in your hands, feeling them very heavy.
When the relaxation is finished you feel very relaxed. I couldn’t  believe it, I had a great day after that.
The agoraphobia group therapy started after. We all had to introduce ourselves. It was a little embarrassing saying in front of that people that I felt totally useless and could not go anywhere by myself. But I opened up anyway. After all, I was there to get better and be shy was not going to work. Other people opened up as well. They all told their stories, some of them even cried of frustration. The good thing was without knowing we created today a solid group of people who realized that we are not alone in these. There are other people suffering the effect of anxiety in our every day life as well.
About me, considering I have been so depressed that I haven’t even write my diary every day, I had a good day.
It is worrying me a little that my neck is starting to feel a little bit tense again, but I am going to practice relaxation before I go to bed.
By the way, I am fighting a lot against the feelings that get me upset every time I remember my grandmother or I remember the bad incidents with my family. The truth is I am trying very hard not to think about any of the two things right now.

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