Panic Attack / Agoraphobia Diary: Thursday, 1th of May 2003
May 1, 2003 by admin
Today I feel extremely sad. Why? Who knows? Last night I remembered my friend Kosty who stopped talking to me a while ago when I told her that I couldn’t be friends with her if she had an abortion ( I have to explain that she was in love with this guy. Migue, who loved her back; and she wanted to get pregnant, but when she did got pregnant, her mom suggested to her to abort so she thought that was the way out of the situation). And I got all those anger feelings, negative energy and was so tense and angry that I couldn’t fall to sleep.
After a while I must have done because I woke up at 7 o’clock in the morning all tense up. And today I’ve been trying very hard to relax without succeed, I even took a Lexatin 1.5 mg an hour and a half ago.
I have to say that my husband is being great help today. Took me out of the house, down to Puerto de la Cruz and now I’m sitting in front of the sea. Oh, I love the sea. It’s good to know that I am not getting mad, it could be just premenstrual tension combined with my bloody agoraphobia.
Ah, nothing better that the sound of the waves, the fresh breeze of the sea, and the sun going down. Nature has got so much to offer, it is a shame that sometimes we don’t appreciate it.
Well, we are back home and I was a little afraid the fear might come back, but I keep telling myself that this is my home now and nothing bad is going to happen, specially since I am surrounded by my lovely dogs and my husband.
I realized something today, I have to accept that my parents and my sisters are not how I would like them to be, they are not open-minded and understand very little about me. But they don’t do it on propose, they just don’t understand me, we are just different. I like showing my love and they don’t know how to do it. Anyway, I will try to accept them as they are.
Nice tips I found in a magazine for me and for you too:
To understand and know yourself a little better write down the answer of these questions:
- How are you suppose to be?
(It will show the things you would like to improve about yourself) - How is your life suppose to be?
(It will tell you what you need to change or things you really need to do in your life) - How would you like to be treated by others?
(It will tell you a lot about the deficiencies in your relationships will others)
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