Panic Attack / Agoraphobia Diary: 2nd February 2004

I am not feeling very well today, I feel very anxious. Nothing is really new, everything is the same but somehow I don’t feel so well.

A few minutes ago I realized that my period was due yesterday, I had a tiny bit of blood a couple of days ago but not period yet, I wonder if I am pregnant. Suddenly that is the only thing I can think of. I am going to convince my husband to take me out so I can buy a pregnancy test.

He didn’t want to go because he thought it was going to be negative like always, but if I was going to feel better he took me to the nearest chemist. I bought the test and come back home. Almost embarrassed that I thought I could be pregnant I went to the toilet and made the test. I waited with the test in my hand while it change color. Two pink lines appeared. My heart immediately went very fast. I needed to check if two lines were positive or negative. It was positive.

Oh My God! I was pregnant. Finally. I left the bathroom and went to show my husband. I didn’t say anything, I just show him the test. He was acting to normal. He didn’t believe it. I wanted to call everybody and tell them I was pregnant, but my husband say is not sensible to tell anybody until the first 12 weeks are up in case something bad happens. I must say that that created a huge amount of anxiety and fear of losing the baby.

I remember that I have being taking a lot of antidepressant pills so I called a doctor and made an appointment with a gynecologist to check if is safe to keep taking the medication while pregnant.

What a day! I am terribly happy and scared at the same time, seems like if it wasn’t true. I don’t feel anything different so I hope the test was right and I am in fact pregnant.

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